YOU ARE STILL ABLE TO SMILE

Pernahkah engkau terbangun di pagi hari
dengan sebuah mimpi yang mulai sirna?

Pernahkah engkau terbangun di pagi hari
dan merasa terjebak dalam kehidupan yang stagnant?

Pernahkah engkau terbangun di pagi hari
dan tidak ada lagi kekuatan untuk dapat tersenyum?

Engkau melihat ke sekelilingmu..
mencari uluran tangan yang dapat memberimu kekuatan..
mengharapkan sebuah pengharapan yang dapat membuatmu bangkit..
Namun yang kau temukan adalah gumaman menyerah pada kehidupan..

Tidak ada tempat untuk memberimu rasa AMAN..
Tidak ada tempat untuk memberimu Garansi tentang MASA DEPAN..

Engkau melihat ke kiri mu..
dan kau temukan derasnya air mata penderitaan..
Engkau melihat ke kanan mu
dan kau temukan peluh keringat perjuangan..

....

Well, well..
Mungkin itulah yang dirasakan oleh Daud ketika ia berada di dalam Gua Adulam.
Jujur aja saya gak bisa menyelami 100% apa yang dirasakan oleh Daud muda saat itu.
Membayangkan mimpi yang sudah ada di depan mata tiba-tiba sirna..

Daud, yang dikenal sebagai Panglima dan akan menggantikan Raja, kini telah menjadi seorang buronan yang tidak memiliki masa depan..
Dia harus lari meninggalkan istri dan kenyamanannya di Istana dan berlari untuk hidupnya..

Daud berusaha menemui Samuel, mentor yang sangat dia look-up.
Namun, ia menemukan bahwa ia pun tidak bisa mengandalkan Samuel.

Hmm...
Pernahkah terbersit dalam pikiran kita..
dengan Background Daud sebagai anak bungsu yang "tidak dianggap" oleh ayah dan seluruh saudaranya,
pasti telah membentuk psikologis Daud menjadi sosok pemuda yang bergumul dengan CONFIDENCE dan RASA AMAN.
Ketika menemukan Samuel yang begitu perduli dan melihat POTENSI Daud, pastilah rasa Aman dan Nyaman mulai muncul.
Jadi, terbayangkah di pikiran kita, apa yang sesungguhnya dihadapi psikologis Daud ketika ia menyadari bahwa tak bisa lagi mengandalkan SAMUEL?
I can't imagine how it feels..
(Secara jaman dulu belum ada Psikolog yang mengerti tentang psikologis seseorang, LoL!)


Memang saat itu pergumulan yang dihadapi Daud sangat nyata..
Ia harus menemukan tempat untuk sembunyi..
Ia menghadapi seorang Raja yang sangat ingin membunuhnya..
Ia menjadi seorang Buronan..
(Kalau lagi nonton film, dimana pemeran utamanya dikejar untuk dibunuh..pasti sedikitnya berasa "suramnya" hidup Daud saat itu)

Namun, ada 1 hal yang muncul di pikiran saya..
Ada another struggle tidak terlihat yang dihadapi Daud pada saat itu..
Perubahan situasi yang sedikit banyak pasti mengganggu kejiwaan Daud..
The real struggle yang dihadapi Daud, yang sesungguhnya MAMPU menggoyahkan keyakinannya..
Lepasnya "RASA AMAN"
Perubahan dari sosok yang "PENUH API" menjadi sosok yang harus "STRUGGLE FOR HIS DAY".

(kata "FOR HIS DAY" ada artinya loh, lol)


dan ga sampai sana cara Tuhan "bercanda" dalam hidup Daud..
(sarkastik banget ya lol, but He knows what I meant lah..)
Yap, ga sampai di sana aja..
Tuhan kirimkan 400 orang yang DICARI NEGARA, BERHUTANG, KEHILANGAN PENGHARAPAN, untuk "menemani" DAUD!
What?!?!?!?!?!

Orang yang pernah atau setidaknya "berhadapan" dengan orang depresi pasti ngerti banget.
Athmosphere orang depresi itu nyata loh dan bisa menular..
1 orang depresi aja bisa bikin ikutan gila.. ini ada 400 orang!
Dengan posisi di Gua Adulam, which is GA ADA ENTERTAINMENT sama sekali..
Can you really imagine that situation?
The REAL STRUGGLE that David had been going through?

"Dengan nyaring aku berseru-seru kepada Tuhan,
dengan nyaring aku memohon kepada Tuhan."
Ketika semangatku lemah lesu di dalam diriku,
Engkaulah yang mengetahui jalanku.
Pandanglah ke kanan dan lihatlah,
tidak ada seorangpun yang menghiraukan aku;
tempat pelarian bagiku telah hilang,
tidak ada seorangpun yang mencari aku."
"Perhatikanlah teriakku, sebab aku telah menjadi sangat lemah."
Mazmur 142


Tapi, serius..
gue ga abis pikir gimana Daud bisa menghadapi itu selama 10 tahun di Gua Adulam.
Kehilangan RASA AMAN..
Terenggutnya MIMPI yang sudah ada di depan mata..
Dari sosok yang PUNYA PRESTASI menjadi orang yang harus STRUGGLE FOR HIS DAY..
Uda cape sama masalahnya sendiri, eh masih harus digrecokin sama 400 depresian lainnya..

Lebih lagi, he couldn't hear God's voice at that time..
Gua adulam itu kalau di wikipedia dibilangnya "tempat isolasi"
Ngerti dong arti tempat isolasi?
Kaga ada yang bisa masuk ataupun keluar..
He definitely couldn't hear God's voice at that time..
or even if God was trying to talk to him, but "that place" isolate him from outsiders.

NO time for him to cry out of his life, karena ada 400 orang lain yang sangat bergantung sama Daud..
Struggle for his day for almost 10 years di padang gurun yang TIDAK ADA AKTIVITAS berarti..
Wow.. I, myself, am so PROUD with Daud.


Di antara semua suara yang berkecamuk di kepalanya..
Di antara semua gumaman menyerah yang bersenandung di sekelilingnya.
Di antara silence time yang dilewatinya..
Daud menguatkankan pengharapannya kepada TUHAN

Di dalam sebuah GUA yang tidak ada pengharapan..
tercipta suatu lagu yang penuh pengharapan

"Tinggikanlah diriMu mengatasi langit, ya Allah..
dan biarlah kemuliaanMu mengatasi seluruh bumi!"
"Aku mau bersyukur kepadamu di antara bangsa-bangsa, ya Tuhan
aku mau bermazmur bagiMu di antara suku-suku bangsa;
sebab kasih setiaMu besar sampai ke langit,
dan kebenaranMu sampai ke awan-awan.
Tinggikanlah diriMu mengatasi langit, ya Allah!
Biarlah kemuliaanMu mengatasi seluruh bumi!"
Mazmur 57



Ya..
Mungkin saat ini engkau sedang berada di dalam Gua Adulam..
Mungkin engkaulah sosok "PENUH API" yang telah menjadi "STRUGGLE FOR YOUR DAY"
Mungkin untuk bangun dari tempat tidurpun, engkau tak mampu..
You know what?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE :)


NO MATTER WHAT YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW
THE HOPE IS STILL THERE
IT WON'T GO AWAY FROM YOUR LIFE
BECAUSE GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU
ONCE YOU'VE BEEN CALLED AS THE CHILDREN OF GOD,
HE WILL MAKE THAT DIFFERENCES FOR YOU..
NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK RIGHT NOW
YOU ARE STILL ABLE TO HANDLE THOSE STRUGGLES
GOD STRENGHTEN YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY
THE PROOF IS...
YOU ARE STILL ABLE TO SMILE :)

JESUS LOVES YOU

My Deepest Conversation with God in 2010 - session 1

Monday, September 27^th 2010.

Why women created so complicated oh Lord?

I couldn’t accept it at all…

Knowing that I’m just clay that shouldn’t say or ask anything, makes me worse Lord..

Father, I come to You as a child…

Dad, I don’t like this situation…

Please catch my eyes on You..

Please Lord…

Don’t ever leave me..

Please LORD!

Take my hands Lord..

I’m jumping down and my faces headed to You

Asking for help..

Asking for Your hands…

Asking for Your hug..

Honestly, I’m so sick of all meetings.. seminars..

All responsible as Your soldier.. Your servant..

I wanna give up Lord..

But I’m so scared…

Its me Father..

You told me that You’re always be the same… yesterday , today and forever…

Please Love me just like the first time You caught me..

I’m so tired of crying…

Tired of heart hurting inside..

Tired of being forced to keep my faith on You…

Tired of being scared because of the news that You are coming soon..

And I’m NOT READY …

My soul…

The rule-breakers.. the rebel..

It just wants to come out Lord…

It’s knocking the door very hard..

It wants to break the locked door…

It wants to show its face up again….

I NEED U LORD!

I really am surrender to You

Coz I really don’t know wat should I do with all this knowledge en experiences..

It just makes me more guilty than ever..

Lord, no one could really feel wat I feel..

Coz no words could explain well..

But You are the one, who accepts me for the way I am..

You really know who I am..

You know how bad I am..

You know the truly me..

And I don’t have to be others..

1)  

COS : 

I've been thinking to QUIT..

I'm so sick of all these responsibilities and meetings..

I get enough! all are A MUST TO DO but none is USEFUL..

I'm so EMPTY!!

"If i still keep my position as a leader, i should have been a MODEL.

but look at me now.. Ain't I become their obstacle to run? Ain't I become a hamper of Your plan in Yougunza, my Lord?"Said I.

I decided this is gonna be my last year..

 

I recognize these changes..

.. I couldn’t just say I love YOU, but wat I did was hurting You..

I myself couldn’t feel the love I’ve ever felt for You..

I don’t wanna lie to You…

.. I become more rebel…

I don’t care about the responsibilities anymore..

Jesus what should I do with this mess?

The mess, that I've made it myself?

......................

GOD :

Don't QUIT with the reason "to clean my heart first".

It only needs A DAY to get your heart cleaned.. Begging for a MERCY & REPENT are more than enough..

And, my child..

BEING A MODEL is not a purpose of your calling..

BEING A MODEL is not your goal..!
The goal is FOCUS ON CHASING ME! BE YOURSELF! 

Be a simple child who loves her God! who loves her Father!

Be Honest! Be transparant! Just be yourself :)

Let the world knows who YOU TRULY ARE  when no one around you yet only Me.. :)

No mater how weak you are.. No matter how bad it is.. No matter what..

The most important thing is THE RESPONSE of your heart..

The most important thing is THE CHOICE that you would choose in the end..

These things that would bring you to be A MODEL for them all..


COS :  

Yes, Father.. That's why i decided to be honest to Yougunza..

I'm just a simple OKTAV who loves her God :)
  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2) 

COS :

Clean my soul, dear Lord..

Teach me to see with Your eyes..

Teach me to see this world not as a threatening but a FIELD to harvest

Change my Paradigm, oh Lord, which doesn't glorify Your name..

Dear God..

How my eyes are opened.. 

How I myself realize that You let MY FALLING happened..

So, I could see underneath..

I couldn't judge those who are seeking to RAISE UP no more..

You, my God..

Answer me with Your FATHOMABLE way 

which isn't able to be understood by human thoughts..

You are not sending me all friends TO HELP..

Yet, people who NEEDS MY HELP..

Thank You Lord for waking me up..

who used to consider a ministry as a WORK to do.. not a CALLING..

Thank You Lord..

For I know and be STILL YOU ARE GOD

BEING SACRIFICED

LISTEN TO HIS VOICE..!!

GOD utters His voice before His people since May 2011..

"I've not been looking for people who bring BURNT OFFERINGS, but those who are willing to be SACRIFICED."

Yes! He seeks for a MAN OF SACRIFICE!

Everyone wants His glory, yet is there anyone who wants to be sacrificed?

Being SACRIFICED is not that hard, my sisters and brothers..

Being SACRIFICED is not that hurt..

So, why is there only less than 10% christian who want to be SACRIFICED?

Why are you so scared to put your hands up and say,  "Pick me Lord to be sacrificed!" ?

And what God say about this?

Psalms 51:16  "For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering."

Psalms 51:17  "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."

There is a GLORY after SACRIFICING..

GLORY only follows SACRIFICING..

So, surrender yourself to be sacrificed!

For that's what His heart desires..

If you could see by His eyes..

You'd find that "EVERY SACRIFICING always brings FRAGRANCE to the King that attracts SOULS to come to Him."

If you could feel by His heart..

You'd find that those who are willing to be sacrificed are the  TRUE WORSHIPPERS..

He, our God, has everything but the TRUE WORSHIPPERS!

That's why He seeks for them..

John 4:23  "But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him."

John 4:24  "God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth."

1 PRAYER 1 MATTER

1 PRAYER 1 MATTER is better than MANY MATTERS IN 1 PRAYER..

Too many matters makes us complicated and can find no words to explain it all..

THE RESULT = It would make us more desperated for our disability to speak out..

On the other hand,

1 PRAYER 1 MATTER would bring us to the honesty of our deepest feeling..

And what God say about this?

"Luke 18:1  And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint;"

"Luke 18:7  And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto Him, though he bear long with them?"

1 PRAYER 1 MATTER..

means we need lots of prayer for 1 day..

means we always pray and not to faint..

means we cry day and night unto Him..

PRAY for LOTS of time and NOT for a LONG time will make u LOVE PRAYING..

So, lets do this right now :)