Why women created so complicated oh Lord?
I couldn’t accept it at all…
Knowing that I’m just clay that shouldn’t say or ask anything, makes me worse Lord..
Father, I come to You as a child…
Dad, I don’t like this situation…
Please catch my eyes on You..
Please Lord…
Don’t ever leave me..
Please LORD!
Take my hands Lord..
I’m jumping down and my faces headed to You
Asking for help..
Asking for Your hands…
Asking for Your hug..
Honestly, I’m so sick of all meetings.. seminars..
All responsible as Your soldier.. Your servant..
I wanna give up Lord..
But I’m so scared…
Its me Father..
You told me that You’re always be the same… yesterday , today and forever…
Please Love me just like the first time You caught me..
I’m so tired of crying…
Tired of heart hurting inside..
Tired of being forced to keep my faith on You…
Tired of being scared because of the news that You are coming soon..
And I’m NOT READY …
My soul…
The rule-breakers.. the rebel..
It just wants to come out Lord…
It’s knocking the door very hard..
It wants to break the locked door…
It wants to show its face up again….
I NEED U LORD!
I really am surrender to You
Coz I really don’t know wat should I do with all this knowledge en experiences..
It just makes me more guilty than ever..
Lord, no one could really feel wat I feel..
Coz no words could explain well..
But You are the one, who accepts me for the way I am..
You really know who I am..
You know how bad I am..
You know the truly me..
And I don’t have to be others..
1)
COS :
I've been thinking to QUIT..
I'm so sick of all these responsibilities and meetings..
I get enough! all are A MUST TO DO but none is USEFUL..
I'm so EMPTY!!
"If i still keep my position as a leader, i should have been a MODEL.
but look at me now.. Ain't I become their obstacle to run? Ain't I become a hamper of Your plan in Yougunza, my Lord?"Said I.
I decided this is gonna be my last year..
I recognize these changes..
.. I couldn’t just say I love YOU, but wat I did was hurting You..
I myself couldn’t feel the love I’ve ever felt for You..
I don’t wanna lie to You…
.. I become more rebel…
I don’t care about the responsibilities anymore..
Jesus what should I do with this mess?
The mess, that I've made it myself?
......................
GOD :
Don't QUIT with the reason "to clean my heart first".
It only needs A DAY to get your heart cleaned.. Begging for a MERCY & REPENT are more than enough..
And, my child..
BEING A MODEL is not a purpose of your calling..
BEING A MODEL is not your goal..!
The goal is FOCUS ON CHASING ME! BE YOURSELF!
The goal is FOCUS ON CHASING ME! BE YOURSELF!
Be a simple child who loves her God! who loves her Father!
Be Honest! Be transparant! Just be yourself :)
Let the world knows who YOU TRULY ARE when no one around you yet only Me.. :)
No mater how weak you are.. No matter how bad it is.. No matter what..
The most important thing is THE RESPONSE of your heart..
The most important thing is THE CHOICE that you would choose in the end..
These things that would bring you to be A MODEL for them all..COS :
Yes, Father.. That's why i decided to be honest to Yougunza..
I'm just a simple OKTAV who loves her God :)----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2)
COS :
Clean my soul, dear Lord..
Teach me to see with Your eyes..
Teach me to see this world not as a threatening but a FIELD to harvest
Change my Paradigm, oh Lord, which doesn't glorify Your name..
Dear God..
How my eyes are opened..
How I myself realize that You let MY FALLING happened..
So, I could see underneath..
I couldn't judge those who are seeking to RAISE UP no more..
You, my God..
Answer me with Your FATHOMABLE way
which isn't able to be understood by human thoughts..
You are not sending me all friends TO HELP..
Yet, people who NEEDS MY HELP..
Thank You Lord for waking me up..
who used to consider a ministry as a WORK to do.. not a CALLING..
Thank You Lord..
For I know and be STILL YOU ARE GOD
